Hey guess what? Our government is screwing US! Hey guess what? The news media is screwing US!

Hey Guess What?

By: Louis Turner

Hey guess what? Our government is screwing US!
Hey guess what? The news media is screwing US!

Hey guess what?
You want the Truth?
Then you better put on a Tinfoil hat and jam a Banana in your mouth and listen up:

The reptilians own US
Billions of years ago during the Banana revolution of square-headed jackanapes, reptilian egg-laying chickenlips came to planet Earth in a teacup and laid jack-diddlysquat underneath the Great Pyramid. The Pharaohs were pissed and soon the paper eggs hatched into jack-jawed dumbasses that eventually became Congressmen with big-ass fat lips on them with noses longer than an elephant's trunk.

These Congressmen were shape-shifting pieces of dung that later gave birth to Senators on steroids that walked the land with a Ma-ha-bone in hand and struck the populous upside the head so hard that millions were abducted and their organs were harvested so that Mister Potato head on planet Blago could supply facial expressions to Hillary, the lesbian Carrot that lived in a wet paper bag.

After thousands of years of arguing whether the lesbian Carrot was in a wet paper bag or not, the reptilian forces of evil decided to build a great gay closet that would house millions of loose-loafered rainbow riders. The rainbow riders through billions of years of evolution would become the Rainbow Coalition of the future.

Soon the paper eggs underneath the Great Pyramid hatched millions of anomalous alien Burrito's that became radioactive when Cleopatra accidentally poked them with her needle and lo and behold, they all flew away in that metallic Burrito to settle in Mexico and the southern parts of what we now call South America.

Meanwhile in the Amazonian jungle, reptilian Jihadist Pope lovers soon discovered facial expressions of Hillary, the lesbian Carrot etched into Taco shells, which terrorized all of the village idiots into burning down the Rainforest. Soon, little Jan Brewer's popped up from the fungus on the forest floor and tyranny had a new name. Then I overheard this strange speech in the jungle:

"You see my reptilian friends; I was a good friend of your gay reptilian King, David Icke. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell together for over five years. Hopefully, you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your King were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other – even when it comes to shedding reptilian skin.

If it had been me who had not made it, some fungus head would be talking right now to my son Potato Head. But the way it turned out is I'm talking to you, my reptilian friends.

 

I got something for ya, [Holds up watch] this watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather, Lizard Lips during the first Turd war.

 

 It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee, made by the first company to ever make wristwatches.

 

 Up until then, people just carried pocket watches.

 

 It was bought by Popin’ Fresh Doughboy Lizard Lips the day he set sail for Pear-ass. This was your great-grandfather's war watch, and he wore it every day he was in the war. Then when he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmothers, took the watch off and put it in an old coffee can. And in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Lizard Lips was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again.

 

 This time they called it World War Two. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Lizard Lips’ luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Lizard Lips was a Marine and he was killed along with all the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island.

 

 Your granddad was facing death, and he knew it.

 

None of those boys had any illusions about ever leaving that island alive.

 

 So three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport named Stuffit, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he had never seen in the flesh, his gold watch.

 

Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Stuffit kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's gold watch.

 

This watch - This watch was on Lizard Lip’s wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi.

 

 He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch that it'd be confiscated; taken away. The way your King looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any chinky-dinks were gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright.

 

 So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something.

 

His ass.

 

Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. And then he died of loose scales; he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, my reptilian friends, I give the watch to you, so you and your readers can shove this article up your ass also."

It wasn't long before numerous alien flying saucers packed full of reptilian dung suckers landed in Washington Deceit – look up in the sky; it's a bird, it's a plane – no, it's reptilian dung suckers of the Turd kind and they ALL look like Jan Brewer of Arizona!

"PHOENIX – Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer on Monday vetoed a bill that would have required President Barack Obama and other presidential candidates to prove their U.S. citizenship before their names could appear on the state's ballot." - Click here to read more.

Published in the April 19, 2011 issue of Shock And Awe Graphics. @ntiCopyright © 2001 - 2011 Louis Turner. Republication allowed with this notice and hyperlinks intact.

http://shockandawegraphics.blogspot.com/2011/04/hey-guess-what.html